Ask The Pastor

January 3, 2007

> Question:
>
> I have not shared your email with my friend as yet, as i want to be sure
> that i am saying the right things to her. I would like to tell you more
> about the situation and ask some more questions.

Chris,

I encourage you to do so. Your friend needs some input into her life. She is being moved by her emotions and not by the truth of the Lord. (Feel free to share my first response and also this reponse with her. I will be more than happy to talk with her direct.)

> The man and women at church are living seperately and leading seperate
> lives. The new pastor at our church has asked to counsel them but the
> women has refused. The man has no idea that my friend has developed
> feelings for him and she doesn't want to go against God, but she thinks
> the feelings are His way of showing her something.

Your friend is wrong. She is immature in her faith experience. One of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control. She must learn to rule over her feelings, and especially when her feelings run contrary to the Word of God. You can be sure that her feelings are not from the Lord; certainly not under the circumstances that you have described.

As for the wife who refuses to be counseled, there must be some issues involved that no one else knows about. She may not be willing to expose things about their marriage. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. The pastor may be the only one who can get to the root problems. At the same time, she is still married. Your friend cannot set this aside.

Here is an example. It may not apply to this situation at all. However, sometimes a wife finds herself married to a homosexual or a bi-sexual person. See what I mean? Where does this fit in the scheme of who can divorce? This is one reason that we really need compassionate hearts when trying to figure out another person's life.

Then you have situations where either the man or the woman is a holy terror, where the family setting is one of continual fear. Don't think that just because a person attends church, it means that their home life is Christian. Some women have mental break down because of abusive lives they have to life in. See what I mean?

> I want to show her in God's Word what He say's on the matter. Am I
> correct in saying that there only two reasons for divorce in God's
> Word......adultery and if an unbelieving partner wants to divorce.

In a general sense you are correct. But you have to be careful about letterism. As I said earlier, there are some marriages that simply cannot survive because of abuse or some other 'not to mention' issue. It is important to understand that the Lord does not penalize people their entire life because of a divorce failure. Actually God Himself is a divorcee.

My point is that any divorced person can get things squared with God and then get on with their life, whether than includes a new marriage or not. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin.

> So this means that even if they were to divorce that neither of them
> would be free to marry, because adultery has not taken place and they
> are both believers.

Chris, I do find it difficult to see how these two people can attend the same church, remain married, yet have no relationship with one another. There has to be something here that is beyond my knowledge.

Another thing puzzles me -- Are either of these people looking for another mate? Are they dating other people? You didn't say anything about that.

It also makes me wonder why your friend is even entertaining feelings for the gentleman. Is he making himself available to your friend?

Blessings,

Buddy

Bro. Buddy Martin - Ask the Pastor

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Lawrence "Buddy" Martin
email: Bro.Buddy@ChristianChallenge.org
Web: http://www.ChristianChallenge.org

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