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Ask The Pastor

May 1, 2005

> Question: 

> don't know if you can write me back.

Yes, I can write you any time. Feel free to communicate with me. I will try to answer some of your concerns.

> I read your experience on the spiritual abuse web site and I guess 
> even if I don't hear from you I will feel better to just be able to 
> talk with someone who knows.

I am happy to help you if I can. It always helps to share your concerns with someone who understands. Lois Gibson is a good friend. (She is the owner of Spiritual Abuse.)

> I've been in the upc for 10-close to 11 years. I am losing it. My 
> husband is going for his license -so you see - I am stuck.

It may seem like you are stuck but keep in mind that time is always on the side of truth. The Lord is going to help you. Believe me, I know. The fact that you are writing me is a witness that the Lord has plans for you. I may be able to play just a small part.

> I can deal with holiness, but I don't always like it. I am 
> faithful. I'm like Paul-a pharisee of the pharisees. But I dont want 
> to be a pharisee.

You are at a crucial place for facing the future. Many UPC folk don't realize that they have taken up the mantle of the Pharisee. It is truly sad to see this.

> For the last several years i have been trying to come to grips with 
> the incessant teaching that without acts 2:38 people will be damned. 
> Never do we hear that Jesus made salvation possible for us. And if we 
> do it is always predicated on whether I am living a "saved" life.

I am happy to see that your eyes have been opened to the truth of salvation. The UPC Acts 2:38 teaching is very misleading. They never teach it as it should be taught. (That is, in its full context.)

> Don't get me wrong, I don't do any of the activities I'm not supposed 
> to - except unforgiveness. I cannot get past the last several years of 
> built up hurt. And so I know it's all futile for me. I'm going through 
> motions.

You are not alone in this. I get a lot of communications from UPC people. Your story is becoming more and more common. But I think this is a good thing. Although you are hurting now, the hurt will be tended to by the Lord. My wife and I walked the same trail many years ago. And the Lord is using us now to help others make the transition out of the UPC bondage.

> I could go on and on about how many times people have preached "for 
> me" -- they never said it but in a congregation that is small and 
> mainly elderly you kind of get an idea. I could tell you of being 
> called on the phone and being told in advance what they were going 
> to preach on (after a church vote where I dissented).

Very interesting but not surprising. UPC folk can be pretty mean at times, especially if you don't measure up to their expectations. This is true with all works-righteousness religions.

> Of how they married my sister to a man - knowing that he was running 
> around on her even before the marriage (we did not know) and then 
> when she married him and he was running around on her during the 
> marriage they told her if she divorced she could never remarry-and 
> that she should get a private detective.

You sister had every right in the world for a divorce. Adultery is what breaks the marriage covenant. Of course I can't speak to this too much without knowing more about. In any event, your sister most surely could be married again.

> A few years later,after a child was born, they told her she could 
> leave--that he had slept with this woman while they were engaged. Why 
> did they make my family jump through all of these unecessary hoops and 
> 30,000 of legal fees over custody?

Wish I could help you with that one. But you know your family as well as anyone.

> Of dreams people had concerning me--let me reiterate--I do what they 
> want--I also teach sunday school and lead youth. Why can't people 
> leave me alone? I have tried in the last several years to be 
> the "sane voice" of Pentecost, I ha

Your post cut off at this point, so I don't know what else you wanted to say. Let me know if I can help you further. Perhaps just having someone to talk to will help a lot.

Blessings,

Buddy

Bro. Buddy Martin - Ask the Pastor

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Lawrence "Buddy" Martin
email: Bro.Buddy@ChristianChallenge.org
Web: http://www.ChristianChallenge.org

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Christian Challenge International
300 Pearce Road
Pineville, LA 71360
318-640-4300